Reblog: Clayton vs. the Cold-Call Emailer
In honor of both Throwback Thursday and the new season of Game of Thrones, I decided to reblog what is hands down my favorite post of all time. Sit back, relax, and prepare for absolute amazement as we go back in time to that one day when the state of Virginia told some poor political robocaller manager that I was a political candidate for a Virginia state office...
Sometimes, Mondays are just Mondays. You get up, you get dressed, you go to work, you overdose on coffee, and the week begins anew.
But sometimes, if you put in enough time, Mondays reward you with hilariously under-informed cold-call emailers who think you’re running for political office in the State of Virginia and might be in need of political messaging robo-callers.
Guess which type of Monday today was.
It all started innocently enough when I checked my email and saw this obviously misdirected note:
My first instinct was to just delete it and get on with my day. Then I remembered something very important. I remembered that that would be boring. So instead, I sent this reply:
I’m not ashamed to say I was a little disappointed when I received this response a couple minutes later:
(It’s hard to read on this particular blog, I know [stupid “resolutions” or whatever], but suffice to say, it’s a copy/paste stock response.)
Now we’re talking! Because boy oh boy, did I have questions…
I thought for sure these responses would throw up red flags.
(Oh, did I forget to mention? I’m running for King of Westeros.)
Very thoughtful! This guy must really have political experience. But what about the robots themselves? Hmmm…
Ooooh, he thinks I’m one of those Virginia Westerosi. Well, that just made me uneasy about the whole thing.
The careful eye will note that the last option is not even a flower at all. If he answered “a flayed man,” I’d know he was a Bolton in clever disguise. Fortunately, he decided to own up to his Tyrell loyalties:
I thought I could get past the whole Tyrell thing if I knew he could help me capitalize on my strong anti-wildling stance. I mean, I’m not a monster. But, alas…
So maybe his robo callers aren’t the right robo callers for my campaign after all.
Proof: The state of Virginia hates cold callers and will distribute to them the most inaccurate information possible.
By this point, I was feeling a little bad about leading the poor guy on, and it was obvious that he wasn’t a good fit for my bid for the Iron Throne. So with a heavy heart, I said my goodbyes:
No further response…but should he return, I’ll let you know.
And if anyone knows any good, pro-Wall robots looking for desk work, please let me know by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter at @Claytonsaurus.