Here's a bit of interesting news: It has recently come to my attention that the Anomaly Flats Department of Tourism has started its own Twitter feed. Which is strange, since the abnormally intense magnetic fields in the Flats make computers useless. But then again, I guess it's the least strange thing I've come across since I started visiting that quaint Midwestern town.
I've learned that it's best not to ask questions.
So far, the @AnomalyFlats Twitter account actually seems to be more community bulletins than tourism info. It's sort of...well, here, just see for yourself:
Anyone who ate Maude's casserole at last week's potluck must report IMMEDIATELY to the cleansing station in the tunnel beneath the Amoco.— Anomaly Flats (@AnomalyFlats) October 19, 2015
An acid spill has drained into our water supply. The acid dissolved the poison from LAST week's mishap, and the water is safe to drink again— Anomaly Flats (@AnomalyFlats) October 19, 2015
Due to an unfortunate disruption in the regular flow of time, all citizens will simultaneously age to their deaths in 4...3...2...1...— Anomaly Flats (@AnomalyFlats) October 20, 2015
The Anomaly Flats Island Adventure Water Park will be closed until further notice. Anyone currently inside the park should be presumed dead.— Anomaly Flats (@AnomalyFlats) October 19, 2015
I'm not sure what all this is doing for tourism, and since no one who lives in Anomaly Flats has a computer, I'm pretty certain this information is not getting to the right people...but I have to admit, it is fun to experience the weirdness of this strange little town from a safe, Internet-buffered distance.
If you're on Twitter, why don't you click here and follow @AnomalyFlats? And then why don't you tell your friends and family members to do the same? And then why don't we force strangers on the street to do it too, and newborn babies, sure, why not, the more the merrier, let's get everyone to do it, because that's what the Department of Tourism wants, and if we don't play into their hands, the time drones will be very upset, and the mayor has given them the green light to use unnecessary force, and I cannot go back to Anomaly prison, please, shit, you guys, just follow @AnomalyFlats!!! It's not too late, we can sti