Ball Pits and Ice Cream! (Voting is More Fun in the State of Clayton)

I hope, hope, hope you already know this, but in case you don''s Election Day! Get out there and vote your little hearts out. Yes, I know attack ad spending is at an all-time high this season by all parties, and that's horribly frustrating. So if nothing else, go vote for someone you think can make a difference in the way we communicate about politics. 

Now, as the long-time blog follower will recall, I have something of a political past. Earlier this year, I ran an ultimately unsuccessful funding campaign to become the King of Westeros. Of Virginia. That didn't go how I wanted, but it hasn't ruined politics for me. No, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the political process, and here's what I've decided: if the State of Clayton were a sovereign nation, Election Day would be a lot more fun.

In order to vote, everyone would travel to the state capital, old-timey Biblical census style. When you arrived at the polling palace (because that's what it'd be called, the polling palace), you would be given a bag full of plastic balls, the kind they use to fill ball pits at Chuck E. Cheese. There'd be one ball for each ballot item. You'd wander about the palace, and for each ballot item, there'd be a set of huge glass boxes, one for each voter option. To vote for somebody, you'd climb a huge ladder (or take the elevator, because accessibility is important) and drop a ball in the box for the candidate of your choice. At the end of the day, we'd eyeball the winner (and, of course, do an old fashioned count for close races), and whoever won each race gets to run and jump into the giant ball pit and swim around in glory. Then everyone who voted for him could jump in too, and everyone who didn't vote for him could jump in too, because elections should be celebrated.

Oh, and the only campaign funding they could do would be to buy ice cream for the post-election celebration, and they had to make it available to everyone, not just their devotees. 

Until such a time that the State of Clayton succeeds in being recognized as its own governmental entity, we'll have to buy our own ice cream and jump in our own ball pits (if you can get around the Chuck E. Cheese security guards. Some of those guys are shockingly quick). But even so, it's important to vote. So get out there and cast your ballot and let's all get some fancy damn "I Voted" stickers!

Clayton SmithComment